I have always had this desire to sit and understand Sooraj Barjatya’s ideas one day. It was fascinating to observe how he sold arranged marriages in Vivah as a pious, divine practice. He minted millions with Hum Aapke Hain Koun, which, at best, is an extended marriage video with impeccably dressed people and good music. With Hum Saath-Saath Hain, he unknowingly opened a Pandora’s box to be picked up later by the likes of Ekta Kapoor to destroy the quality of Hindi television forever. Perhaps Barjatya overdosed on his sanskari steroids, which is why his well-meaning Main Prem Ki Diwani Hoon fell flat despite a funky soundtrack. The less said, the better about Prem Ratan Dhan Payo, which I will remember for designer farmers’ markets and a godawful game of football where lehenga-clad women made astutely choreographed passes. In his latest, Barjatya takes off on an excruciating expedition to the Everest Base Camp with four senior citizens, an annoyed team leader, and a bunch of amused youngsters. The film is called Uunchai (which translates to ‘altitude’ in Hindi).
Uunchai‘s leading man is Amit Shrivastava (Amitabh Bachchan), an author famous for his pretentious self-help books (one of them is titled Breathe Breathe). Amit’s life circles around his four friends. One of them is Anupam Kher’s Om Sharma, a middle-class bookshop owner who is forever pissed for some reason. Bringing an element of communal harmony into the setup is Boman Irani’s Javed Siddiqui, who is least bothered that he is in the group (or in the film). The happiest of the lot is Danny Denzongpa’s Bhupen, who charmingly ticks the diversity checkbox.
So, what do these elderly bros do other than dance (mercifully not in a disco with youngsters looking in awe) to a peppy Amit Trivedi number? We do not know their backgrounds, as there are zero flashbacks or anecdotes. It only gets worse when the most pleasant of the dudes dies. No, Bhupen’s death did not leave a lump in my throat. For a fact, nobody knows how special he was to the group or how they sustained a productive friendship for over five decades. The man dies with a strange, unfulfilled wish to take his visibly unfit buddies on a trek to the mountains. Some companionship, that is.
Soon, the three friends, along with Javed’s wife Shabina (Neena Gupta), take off on a road trip. Barjatya throws in jaded Baghban logic in the Kanpur chapter and later tries to undo the damage by letting the snake suck off its venom. In a stopover at Gorakhpur, Barjatya time-travels to the ’80s, allowing Kher and his on-screen family to ham away as if it’s a Jeetendra-T. Rama Rao caper. En route, the trio is joined by Mala Trivedi (Sarika), Bhupen’s ex-flame who, for the oddest of reasons, is a threat to Shabina’s five-decades-old matrimony.
After wasting a good chunk of screen time on yawn-inducing sermons on life, Barjatya tries to spice up things by lending some individuality to his leading man (Bachchan). Alas, it’s too late. Halfway through Uunchai, everyone comfortably forgets Bhupen. The man surfaces once when Mala makes her entry, later when Shabina throws a fit, and, finally, when the film closes for good. Mind you, the run time is just a few minutes short of three hours. I kept asking myself, “Why are these men up to what they are?”
On the blessings front, it felt good to see Barjatya hire a new-age DOP (Manoj Kumar Khatoi), who, at least in the trek portions, allows the drama to unfold by framing the locales beautifully from all possible angles. Shweta Venkat Mathew’s editing skills can’t salvage an indulgent screenplay (Abhishek Dixit) filled with redundant lines and forgettable songs. George Joseph’s original score (along with the sound department) fares a lot better in capturing the tension surrounding the trek chapter. For everyone else, Uunchai appears to be a paid and pampered holiday.
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Uunchai is a road film where a Rajshri Productions favourite, Alok Nath, misses a seat (owing to the ‘Me Too’ allegations, perhaps), only to be replaced by men who do not understand their universe. Barjatya’s leads seldom try to make sense of the hackneyed plot. Amitabh Bachchan looks mighty exhausted – perhaps having done more work this year than all members of his family put together. Anupam Kher is annoying to the hilt while trying to overcompensate for being on posters of an A-list, non-propaganda film after ages. Much like Sonam Kapoor in Prem Ratan Dhan Payo, Boman Irani has no idea why he is in here. He barely gets a good line, and his climactic outburst is unnecessary. The women, in comparison, are a lot better. Neena Gupta, who plays a loving housewife, is having the time of her life as she makes kheer out of a film that offers her nothing but stale ingredients. Sarika is decent in a part that didn’t need her National Award-winning histrionics. Lastly, I wouldn’t be age-shaming the protagonists when I say Parineeti Chopra’s Shraddha is the film’s most sensible and practical person. Although covered in layers of makeup during an arduous trek, Chopra’s facial expressions matched mine as we flinched and narked in unison whenever the men spoke or did something outrageous. The writer throws in a bizarre family conflict that never really lands, despite Chopra making all the correct faces.
In short, Uunchai is a film that you would regret not sneaking in a hip flask to the cinema (unless you did). If you were to play a drinking game around Barjatya’s shamefully ridiculous dialogues and plot twists, this three-hour-long ride would trigger the hangover of a lifetime. The only element that prevented me from dozing off or walking out is the actors’ wardrobe, which, I am sure, would help me in my upcoming trip to the Himalayas. New ways to make a poor film paisa vasool? You bet.
Rating: ★★
Uunchai is now streaming on Zee5.
